I think that I'm seriously going crazy. Its like I'm holding on to an empty box. This is the only space where I can just type down all my thoughts and hopes besides telling it to my cousin. I feel very life less. Its like a swarm of bees has just attacked me.

But on the brighter side, I'm just so thankful to receive your text out of a sudden! Its like as though my prayers have been answered! I swear I cried like shit when I received it. My mind was blank and my heart was aching so much. Omg. Only God knows how much your text message means to me. Sighhhhhhhh.

Crying myself to sleep again today.

:'( what a bloody stupid mistake I made. I hope things get better soon.

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My heart is aching. I'm down with flu and fever. I don't want to eat. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to do my school work, I just want to lie down on my bed and cry and cry and watch sad movies and cry and listen to sad songs and cry cry cry till I get over him and just be quiet.

That's all I intend to do.

Girls are very indecisive at times. But you can't totally blame it all on them. We're just confused with the chaos that is happening. It would help a lot if you were to take a step to understand. I know that you think that this is what I wanted. At that point of time, I was just mad and upset. Why can't you take that into account? Why are chances not applicable in your life?

Sigh.

I miss you. A whole lot in fact. This heart is aching because it misses your presence so much. Waking up each day with a gloomy look stucked on my face, tearing at every memory of you. I keep wondering and thinking whether there is anything that I can do to change your mind about what happened. I didn't know that it will be this super hard on me. You're been there for me, through ups and downs. It was totally my mistake to drift away from you. This guilt is killing me. I yearn to see your face. I yearn to hear your voice. I have no idea why I'm like this. You're know that I'm strong and you know I can move on, but do you know how hard it is for me to leave such a wonderful person like you?

Sigh. I keep dreaming about you. Bad, sad and happy dreams. Its all making me sick in the head mentally and physically. Almost had a fever because of thinking and missing you so much. Even my mum is asking what exactly is wrong? What's happening to me? I'm never like this. I tried to just keep mum but I can't do it for long. I always have the urge to text you. Not for company but concern. I have no idea why I'm like this. Why is it so hard for me......... I don't want to let go. I don't want you to leave. I just want you to stay not as special friends but more than that. Sigh.

Didn't know that you will leave this mark in my life :/ So frustrating so hard so irritating so sad so hurt so so so so so depressing. I left him for you. I thought you could be the one but why was I so darn stupid to leave?????? We were doing well. We were. I was the one who ruin it. I swear I didn't mean to hurt you with the other boys I was contacting. They don't mean a thing as much as you do. Im not the queen of the nile and I will change for someone I really love. I almost had it all but I let it go foolishly. This is not what I want. I took a bloody long time to realize that its you. I should never be this way.

Your voice is always chanting in my head. I feel that I'm going nuts soon.

Your face is always seen as vividly as the clear sky above my head.

I smile thinking about the good memories we shared.

I cry when I know you're no longer here.

I'm sorry for everything I really am :(

But in any ways, I really hope that you do well in everything you do. I'll get over it in months to come. Don't think so i'll be doing well. I'll miss you, please be safe and happy. You mean a lot to me. I remember once asking you whether has any girl ever ask you to be her bf while driving, I wanted to do that but........ hais. Good luck sweetheart, this will be the last you'll hear from me. I know that I'm totally annoying and that you're doing fine without me. But who can I blame?

Only me myself and I. Hopeless.