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Monday, April 16, 2012
Jiwang jum!

"sinaran mata cerita segalanya
duka lara terpendam memori semalam
tinggal segala cinta tiada kembalinya
abadi kasih kita kau bawa bersama
mimpi indah mekar saat cinta bersemi
sedetik asmara syurga selamanya

pergilah rinduku hilangkan dirimu
tak sanggup menanggung derita di kalbuku
pergilah sayangku bermula semula
semangat cintakumembara kerana dia
tiada niatku

tersemat jiwa setia bersamanya
cinta murni berdua beribu tahunnya
mimpi indah mekar saat cinta bersemi
sedetik asmarasyurga selamanya

pergilah rinduku hilangkan dirimu
tak sanggup menanggung derita di kalbuku
pergilah sayang bermula semula
semangat cintaku membara kerana dia
tiada niatku

oh..pergilah sayangku bermula semula
semangat cintaku membara kerana dia
tiada niatku

maafkan daku duhai kasih
izinkan ku pergi "

I'VE TRIED.
I'VE CRIED.
I TOLD YOU SO.
YOU REFUSE TO LISTEN.
SO PLEASE...
Its time I tell the world.

Usually I will keep the deepest secrets that lies a thousand different stories just to myself but for this case, I feel that there is a need to express it. Recently, I decided to turn my love life upside down and that is to move on with someone that deserves the chance to be with me. That lucky guy is, Faezul Hakim. I was depressed but I knew he was the cure to each and every heartache that I was experiencing. I thought. I hope. I wish. I dream that it will last. Sadly, I think the feeling is fading.

I was sick of staying single. I was drowned in my own nightmares that brought me to daydream all day and night. I had insomnia and I broke a lot of hearts. I needed a companion and I felt that Faezul was the answer to every struggle I face. I told myself, why not just believe, give a chance and let fate decide. I find myself engrossed in his text messages and his personality, so loving, so dedicated but it didn't last.

It has been 6 days. SIX DAYS. I know days are not a big deal but its just not me when it comes to relationships. How is it that I don't see him putting any effort nor initiative in sacrificing to meet me or JUST SPARE A LITTLE QUALITY TIME WITH ME? I admit to be very demanding when it comes to "spending time" but I've tried my very best to be patient and it always ended up with >>> :'(

If the beginning is already as horrible and disastrous as it seem, how am I suppose to endure this anymore? WHY THIS CHANGE?

I know baby, 4 years of being single is definitely tough for you but you make it harder for me to actually put in the effort to care. You told you wanted this to last, you really have to stop talking and do something. I am an indecisive person but when its enough, it really is enough. I'm trying so hard to understand BUT YOU ARE NOT EVEN MAKING ME FEEL GOOD. Just bloody hell compare your last time text messages to NOW.

Wtf is this. I think I made a mistake.